The Question That Changes Everything
I’ve been to HomeGoods more times than I can count these past few days. At this point, I’m basically friends with the people who work there.
And oh my God, if you could see my dining room chairs.
They’re those ugly folding chairs you pull out when too many people come for dinner.
Except they’re not extra chairs.
They’re THE chairs.
Meanwhile, I have these gorgeous navy blue swivel sofas that I LOVE, new bedding I’m ridiculously excited about, and two fluffy rugs I have laid down, picked up, moved, stared at, sent pictures of to friends, changed my mind about, and laid down again.
And I think I need bigger ones.
So this is me officially crowdsourcing my life.
I need your help.
Send me the dining room chairs you love.
Send me your favorite fluffy rug.
Send me the chicken pot pie recipe your family actually eats, your rosemary chicken, your favorite soup, whatever you make when you want your house to smell ridiculously good and everyone to come wandering into the kitchen.
Because that’s really the season I’m in right now.
I want good food cooking. People coming through the door. My son making homemade fries in the kitchen. Friends sitting around the table.
And apparently I also want to spend an unreasonable amount of time deciding which rug their feet will be sitting on.
And here's what I've learned about myself in all of this:
I can apparently formulate a complex trauma case faster than I can choose dining room chairs.
Yesterday, right in the middle of all of this, a therapist friend called me about a case.
I told her I had ten minutes.
Twenty minutes later, I was completely immersed.
We started with a woman trying to make an enormous decision about her marriage.
And somewhere in the conversation, the question changed from:
What should she do?
to:
Who does she need to become so she can actually have choice?
And maybe that’s the question I want to leave you with today.
Who do you need to become for the life you want?
To be able to say the thing you haven’t been able to say.
To hold the boundary you keep abandoning.
To make the choice you keep circling.
To receive the love you say you want.
To hold the success, relationship, freedom, family, or life you’re asking for.
Because sometimes the question isn’t only What do I need to do?
Sometimes it’s: Who do I need to become so I can actually hold what comes next?
And what small step can I take today toward becoming that person?
I’ll leave you with that one. I'd love to hear what comes up for you.
And... as a reminder, please send me your things.
A link to your favorite chairs. Your recipes. Your rugs. Something you bought for your home that you absolutely love.
I promise I’ll report back on what makes the cut.
—Esther
P.S. Therapists: That ten-minute case conversation accidentally gave me an idea I cannot stop thinking about. More than 20 of you have asked me what comes after Movement Vocabulary, how you know if you’re on the right target, what you may need to prime for months before going there, and how you turn what you’re seeing into an actual treatment plan. I’m noodling on something very high-touch around your actual cases. If you’d want that, reply YES.
P.P.S. And if you’re a therapist who hasn’t watched Movement Vocabulary yet, you can start here.
