This took me years to understand about client Avoidance…

She was just starting to open up.

We’d spent weeks building trust.
She finally named a memory—one that had lived unnamed in her body for years.
Tears filled her eyes. Her hands clenched. Her breath got shallow.

Then, the next week:
She canceled.
The week after that: she showed up smiling, cheerful, saying,

“I think I made a bigger deal out of it than it was.”

And just like that—
She slipped back into the old role:
The “okay” one. The one who copes. The one who doesn’t need too much.

At first glance, it looks like avoidance.
But here’s what I’ve learned:

Avoidance isn’t a refusal to heal.
It’s a nervous system saying, “I’m not ready. I don’t feel safe enough yet.”

Here’s why clients retreat, just when the work is getting real:

Fear takes the wheel. 
The pain, the overwhelm, the fear of falling apart or not being able to come back together—it can feel like too much to face alone.

There’s not enough support or understanding. 
Without the right scaffolding—be it relational, informational, or somatic—people get stuck in loops of avoidance that feel like self-protection (because they are).

They lack the skills that build trust. 
Trust in themselves, their bodies, and the process. When they don’t have internal anchors or co-regulation, avoidance becomes the default safety strategy.

I created a free Somatic Masterclass to support clinicians with exactly this:

Understanding what clients are really doing when they avoid…
And how to gently meet their defenses with enough skill, safety, and compassion that healing becomes possible.

Watch the free Somatic Masterclass here.

We explore character strategies, missing developmental experiences, and how to offer the right kind of support to help clients move from shutdown to regulation—and real, sustainable healing.

Because avoidance isn’t a problem.
It’s information.

And your role as a skilled clinician is to listen for what’s missing—and help your client get it.

Watch the Somatic Masterclass, and let me know what resonates.

With you in this <3

Warmly,
Esther

“Avoidance is a protest. It says: I want to heal… but not like this. Not alone. Not overwhelmed. Not afraid.”

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