You’re missing the deeper work if you don’t understand Character Strategies
Many therapists hit the same wall:
A client is making progress — then suddenly collapses.
Or they intellectualize when things get emotional.
Or they smile their way through deep pain.
Or they agree with everything but never really let you in.
This isn’t resistance.
This isn’t sabotage.
This isn’t “they’re not ready.”
This is a character strategy — an embodied relational defense developed early in life, rooted in the nervous system, and shaped in connection with others.
When you start to understand these strategies, your work deepens.
You stop pushing clients faster than their system can go
You stop mistaking survival strategies for personality traits
You start working at the level where lasting change happens — not just insight, but integration
Let’s break them down:
1. The Charming Strategy
Core adaptation: Connection through performance
What it looks like: Expressive, smiling, engaging — but avoids depth
Early imprint: “If I’m likable, I’ll be safe.”
Somatic cues: Fast speech, light gestures, smiling over emotion, upward energy
In therapy:
They may seem open, but vulnerability is masked by charisma
They avoid rejection by staying pleasant and entertaining
Emotion is carefully curated, not spontaneous
How to work with it:
Don’t just affirm the charm — reflect what’s beneath it
Slow things down: in movement, speech, and relational pacing
Build tolerance for authentic, not performative, contact
Help them feel safe being seen as they are, not as they perform
2. The Driven Strategy
Core adaptation: Safety through control and achievement
What it looks like: High-functioning, intense, focused, but avoids vulnerability
Early imprint: “If I stay in control, I won’t be hurt.”
Somatic cues: Forward energy, high tone, clenched jaw, chest tension
In therapy:
They try to lead the session or “do it right”
Vulnerability feels like failure or weakness
They may challenge your authority to test safety
How to work with it:
Stay relational while holding firm, boundaried presence
Reflect their underlying longing for support or surrender
Validate their strength and make space for softness
Help them explore agency beyond productivity
3. The Enduring Strategy
Core adaptation: Withdrawal to protect boundaries
What it looks like: Quiet, slow, self-contained, emotionally distant
Early imprint: “If I disappear, I’ll be safe.”
Somatic cues: Low energy, inward collapse, minimal expression, stillness
In therapy:
They may seem passive, but are deeply protective of their autonomy
Pressure to express or open up feels invasive
Insight often lands, but expression is difficult
How to work with it:
Go slow — faster pacing triggers shutdown
Give space without urgency or expectation
Acknowledge their need to control the flow of contact
Invite expression, but respect their silence
4. The Collapsed Strategy
Core adaptation: Shutdown under overwhelm
What it looks like: Helpless, low energy, checked out, often self-blaming
Early imprint: “It’s all too much. I can’t.”
Somatic cues: Dorsal vagal tone, slumped posture, low affect, frozen gaze
In therapy:
They may agree but feel unmotivated or hopeless
Often misunderstood as “not trying”
Deep shame about their perceived inadequacy
How to work with it:
Normalize collapse as a survival response
Co-regulate before inviting insight
Don’t push activation — start with small, achievable steps
Reflect strengths they can’t yet see in themselves
5. The Compliant Strategy
Core adaptation: Fawning to stay safe
What it looks like: Over-accommodating, overly agreeable, deferential
Early imprint: “If I don’t cause problems, I’ll be loved.”
Somatic cues: Soft voice, minimal movement, frozen smile, held breath
In therapy:
They say “yes” when they mean “no”
They’re hyper-attuned to your needs, not their own
They hide anger, needs, or boundaries
How to work with it:
Offer permission to say “no” without consequences
Mirror back what they might be feeling beneath the agreement
Help them reclaim healthy aggression and boundary-setting
Celebrate small moments of self-expression
Why This Changes Everything
When you understand these character strategies, you:
Work with the body and the story — not just the narrative
Respond to what’s needed, not just what’s being said
Help clients understand themselves with compassion, not shame
You stop trying to “fix” your clients.
You start tracking them.
You help them feel safe enough to choose something different.
If this resonates — and you want to learn how to track and work with these strategies in a grounded, somatic, and relational way…
In my Trauma Therapist Training Mentorship, I guide clinicians through exactly this process.
You’ll learn:
How to recognize character strategies in session
How to adjust your presence, language, and pacing
How to support nervous system integration — not just insight
How to help clients feel more clarity, coherence, and inner safety